By Arthia Nixon
#TakeMeToTheKing because #SisIsThisYourMan is going to result in repentance, resurrection and rolling the heck out!
Time to meet at the altar with tea because the sisters are snatching edges and bringing forth the demon of darkness to light exposure. Disclaimer: I mentioned I’m in the process of getting back to blogging all things that pique my interest so if you’re looking for the prissy professional me, you may not find her on this post. Disclaimer 2: If you are under 18, please find yourself somewhere else.
Let me start off with some background. For the past couple of years, the “Sis Is This Your Man?” groups and other similar groups have been popping up over social media. One group in the U.S. has nearly 300,000 members and last night, a Caribbean group got over 14,000 members and started trending. The premise is simple – post a photo of someone’s significant other and see if other people claim that they are in a relationship with that person too. There are tons of groups that have popped up across the U.S., many of them grouped based on the city.
Needless to say, there are some consequences when you get involved in these types of groups and it’s not just the vast amount of time you will waste scrolling through, praying you don’t see someone you know, or even yourself.
So here are 10 things to consider before jumping in. If you join, you may learn that:
- Your Man is Gay – You love his neat ways, attention to detail, that smooth skin and those manicured nails. But when you post his pic in the group and the tricks and the dicks are on it, you are not prepared to accept the fact that he’s not just cheating, but he’s cheating on you with another man. Some women are prepared to handle another woman but they are not ready to imagine their man catfishing as a fish. So now, you realize your entire relationship was a fraud and instead of wondering what she’s got that you don’t your world is about to end because now everyone knows he’s bisexual or worse, just using you to hide his true gay truth.
- Your Man is Being Set Up – Some people are cruel and vicious and hate to see a great relationship evolving. So they will go on your profile, steal a photo of your partner and post it in there simply to stir up trouble. They will allege he is in a relationship so that you can dump him and they can sashay in and swipe him up then laugh at you to your face for being the fool who took the bait. So please, make sure the allegation is a fact before you run off and tell that man off… or worse.
- Your Man is All Our Man – Stop the faux shock. You know your man heaux ain’t loyal. He has more women than King Solomon had concubines, he makes no apologies and you have the ring but you are babysitting the child he had two years into your marriage. You have the house, the car, you’re holding out on sex because he can get it anywhere and you have been told he’s a dog but you are the one who will happily cook the steak and lay out the doggie bed and purchase the flea powder. You know he’s going to go in the group and when he walks through the door, you keep on scrolling and think about what he’s going to buy for you for Christmas.
- Your Man is Going to Cut You Off – Y’all side heauxs ain’t loyal and loyalty has a price. If you are someone’s sidechick and you’re living a fairly okay life, you being in such a group and making public declarations after you swore your discretion is a sure way to go from sidechick to nothing at all. If that’s your life, that’s your life but when you agree to be a dirty little secret, you better listen to Xscape and that’s just how you should keep it… never let ‘em know, never let show. Y’all want those Olivia Pope and Mary Jane benefits without putting in the work. Get you some wine and popcorn and back up out of that group before you lose your benefits.
- Your Man Has Been Bad All Along – Do you really need a group to let you know that your man is not going to be behaving anytime soon? His own mother told you that you can do better. Stop scrolling and figure out if you really have the energy to deal with him.
- You Are A Savage – You are the kind of chick you is ready to hang your dirty laundry on the line, stains and all just to prove a point. You are the chick scrolling down admitting to sleeping with 40 men who are posted and you have a comment on how well they do certain things. You don’t care if it’s your brother’s bestie, your former fling, your colleague or your one night stand. You are in there and you are phishing and dishing and telling other women to do better. You don’t care if you end up being threatened because you are walking in your truth and you don’t care who judges you. You are also prepared for when the boys start their group bashing females because you are comfortably in your skin, in your sins and in your sexuality and you are bold enough to find them to be petty because they are not hurting you in the least.
- You Are Insecure – You have an honest man, you are with him every moment. He is a great dad, a great husband, but you’re so busy letting people whisper in your ear that you are looking for something that will never be in that group. After a month of scrolling and not seeing anything, that voice keeps telling you any day now, you’ll see him being unfaithful and that will be just what you need. Girl, get off the innanets and appreciate that good man you’ve got.
- You Need To Make Sure They Better Than That – So you are single but you know you raised your son right or that your cousin is better than that. Your handsome, smart man-child will not dare prove that you raised him wrong and he will not embarrass you because even though you are 5’3” and he’s 6’2”, you will find that “boy is you crazy?” mama adrenaline and reach up and knock him so hard he’ll “yes ma’am” you like the toddler he used to be. You know the man you voted for in the last election is decent and you pray to black, white and atheist Jesus that your church leaders aren’t in there. You just want to make sure that the men in your crew are doing right because you don’t associate with fools right? Sis, you might need to drink some of that holy wine because at the end of the day, even men of God are but men and temptations are everywhere. So be careful of swearing for people, including your brother, son, group president or pastor because there is nothing in the world like a group of women calling out a man-heaux.
- You Are a Snitch – You are breaking the girl code by taking screenshots and sending it to folks you know to show them what is in a closed group. You know you ain’t right. Come on now. If it’s closed, it’s closed. Don’t ruin the fun. You have to decide if you are loyal to the girl code or if you are loyal to the folks you are snitching to. Just be prepared because when they find out that you are the snitch… it will not be pretty.
- Call the Po-po – All fun and games aside, there are some states and countries that have some serious laws when it comes to defamation, cybercrimes, and such. Do you really want to be screenshot and have that read in a court of law or serve time for being in such a group? Is it worth it? Even worse, are you willing to post someone’s photo and play a part in someone going home, getting angry and end up in jail for assault, murder or the breakup of a family, the loss of a job and the rest? Consequences are not all clear. Your version of what you want and the reality of what it is can be two very different things so please proceed with caution or simply retreat and avoid confrontation and consequences by not participating in it at all. You will be held accountable at the end of the day for whatever it is you are doing. So if you want to do it, that’s on you and if you don’t, that’s still on you too. And another thing, if you go into such groups watch the fall from the high horse you may be riding because some people will actually find benefits to being in the group. If you feel like it’s not for you, please leave and let them do them.
- BONUS – You Are Nosy As Hell! You have no reason for going in there but just to see and lurk and giggle. Come on now, surely there are more ways to get your kicks on a Friday night. But hey, at least you are alert!
On that note, if you’re single, celebrate knowing that you are not spending your time scrolling through wondering if you are about to be the next face in the group. And if you are still going in, take a deep breath because you are in for a laugh, a shock and “omg but I know that person!” Stay grown!